I don’t know about you all but I always felt that it is…the enemy. And I get a feeling most of you might be feeling the same.
When I think about it
I have my earliest memory of my school days when the teacher would call my name to answer a question. whether I knew the answer of no is not even relevant here. That whole idea of standing up opening my mouth, then putting my vocal cords to work and delivering the answer in front of my class led to a sickening feeling which is difficult to describe.. it felt like the sky is about to drop on me or as if someone pulled away the ground from under my feet. My breathing would try to catch up with the situation and my heart would feel a sudden urge to show its presence by throbbing its way out of my chest. And in that very moment my mind would decide to go on hibernation. Just imagine for all that time I would be standing mum in front of the whole class facing the teachers side eye. It was like your mind and body ditching you when you needed them the most. Think about the worst betrayal and it was worse than that and I went through such betrayals uncountable number of times growing up. Especially when I had to talk to a group of people or submit my assignment or even when I had to ask for help from a shopkeeper.
I always thought that it happens to me because I lack what it takes to do all these things efficiently. Before we go deeper into this First lets talk about what anxiety is? In the simplest form it is intense and excessive worry and fear about everyday situation or some possible scenario of the future. We are talkin not of the clinical anxiety which is att consuming, highly debilitating and needs profession help. We are talking about the everyday anxiety that most of us experience.
It might sound funny but many a times anxiety is not even the real problem but the secondary anxiety that we experience when we find our self in anxiety becomes more damaging. See if we go back while growing up we were told again and again not to feel anxious as its not good for us. We should believe in our self and anxiety comes into the picture when we doubt our self. So anxiety is bad and you need to keep it away a 100%. I don’t know about you but this is what I was told and this is what I believed was true.
So what do we do about it. We need to address it and then reframing it. Why do you really think we have anxiety. From the perspective of evolution anxiety developed in us to protect us. for example, if we are in forest and hear the leaves fluttering, it immediately gets our attention, we feel an alarm going off inside of us, our respiration and heart rate increases. Cortisol levels will go up and in most sensible scenario we will run I the opposite direction. If lets say we were to have no anxiety in that situation we most likely would have kept going on that path and might have got eaten by a lion or killed by a bear. Anxiety saved us. We have to it that.
It prepares us for fight or flight response. For me it was always flight or flight faster respone but jokes apart we have to agree that In the right amount ie always helps. Even in the day to day life say you have a test or a presentation the next day and if you do not feel that nudge of anxiety which in many cases is not as sweet as a nudge but a full on incursion. the point is if you don’t feel that you might not prepare yourself for it, so you can see how anxiety keeps us on track. Just like a good friend.
But we have to remember too much of even a good thing is bad. So if anxiety crosses its healthy limit then it can deteriorate our performance. Unhealthy level of anxiety is bad, but the within healthy limits of anxiety is only there to help.
Now the question is how to make anxiety work for us
1.) Lets start by Accepting that it is also a normal human emotion. Don’t get anxious about being anxious. Whenever you feel that anxiety is setting in start with Deep breathing. You can go for the 4 4 4 technique. Where you inhale 3 4 5 or good old deep breathing just don’t start stressing about the length and depth of your breath. Just take deeper breaths. Whatever works for you is the one for you.
2.)The next thing would be to Moving your body, anxiety leads to the emergency of fight or flight response which creates tension in the body. Releasing that tension by physical movement. Running, exercise, everything works but I would highly recommend walking. The mind is already in the fight or flight mode to some extend do running might support the apprehension but walking will release the tension and at the same time signal the mind that all is well in your world. Dancing might also help for that matter if that is what you choose to do.
3.) By this time your anxiety will come down to a more rational level. Then You need to look for what these Uncomfortable emotions are signalling to you. Try to see what that uncomfortable emotion is trying to tell you…ask the right question. instead of asking what is wrong with me. Ask yourself what do I need to do to feel better. Do I need to take do a workshop on communication to do better in the next meeting. Do I need to practice more to feel confident dancing this weekend or something else on the same lines
Try to Change your what if lists to, to-do list, instead of thinking what if I freeze on the stage. What if I start stammering. Make the to do list state something like practice in front of the mirror twice everyday. Mock performance on stage with handful of friends. Learning vocal warm up exercises and so on.
And if you need an instant fix like just before going up on the stage, I have you covered. Or better to say you have you covered. It’s a fun fact that whether it is fear or excitement our body shows similar response. So give yourself a better suggestion. Tell yourself you are excited. Say wow how excited am i….i just cannot contain this excitement and your mind will start believing you. The goal in never to make the anxiety go away completely but to know how to make anxiety work in our favor.
And just like that now we know that we may not want anxiety but we do need anxiety . hence let makes friends with it and allow a healthy dose of it in our lives.
After all it is the frenemy that we never liked or wanted but who had our back.
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xoxo